I finally realized that my apartment was freezing because I turned off the heat yesterday and forgot to turn it back on (66 degrees one day, 36 the next). Now that I am all nice and toasty (Alhumdullilah), I can reflect on my day. First was Cold Spoon, I mean...obviously. It is such a warm feeling when they ask if I want peanut butter with my almond bar yogurt and then ask about the status of my house (I wanna think we are getting closer to the rebuild starting). Then was my session with my therapist where it was all sorts of fun discussing how grief and anger get all tangled together. Oh, now I kinda wanna watch "Tangled". Yes, the poor woman got to witness firsthand how my mind is all over the place. After that came laser treatment for the hair on my face. I know, it's shocking all of the ways that are available to get rid of hair. This was my first time doing laser and I think I am a fan. I should probably have focused more on after treatment care but I thought more about the office manager's wicked beard. I then headed over to Zakaria's school to make copies of the PTA Bingo flyer. Stopping in to see Zakaria always makes me smile. "HI ZAKARIA'S MOM!"
Then I headed home and got some work done, all the while being kinda happy that I didn't make it off the waitlist for the 4:30pm Orange Theory class. However, after the joys of divorce aggression rose up and I realized I needed a healthy outlet, I forced myself to go to a 7:45pm class. I then understood that there was a reason I didn't get into the 4:30pm class. As I was waiting for my class to start, a beautiful woman came up to me and said, "I follow your posts." It took me back a bit and I told her she was going to make me cry before class started...I do often want to cry when I hear how many minutes a push on the treadmill will be but you know what I mean. :)
As a mother who has lost her son, I can tell you there are days I feel guilty for not thinking enough about him. And then someone tells me their son is wearing the AAMDS Marrow Strong bracelet we handed out at the May 4th party in his senior picture and that moment of remembering my Hadi is so intense it reminds me that grief comes in waves and is so freaking complicated.
Anyway, it is now 10:30pm and I can't believe I am awake. I do know that it will be tough not having Zakaria's snuggles but maybe I can actually have more than 1/8 of the bed tonight. I also know I will spend a decent amount thinking of all I want to do with Team Watience and to keep the legacy of my beautiful child alive. This means you all need to get ready to buy some coffee and figure out some wicked ideas for May 4th. I also apparently think I am from Boston...that is where I am headed for my next work event.
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