I am staring at a candle that came in the "mystery box" that I won from the silent auction at the Al Fatih Academy fundraising dinner. I also drank tea this morning instead of coffee. That is two days in a row. Who am I? The candle reminds me of Pakistan. One of my earliest memories is sitting at a restaurant in Pakistan and the electricity turned off. I can vividly remember Awais, Amir and I seeing who could hold our palm over the candle the longest). Pretty sure I lost but I wish I could go back to that moment. Aamir (yes, my husband is Aamir and my brother is Amir-it's not confusing at all) has no desire to go to Pakistan or India. But ya know what? Aamir also is not a fan of scented candles yet I am burning a darjeeling and damask rose. I think he is going to have to get used to the fact that he can come along for the ride as I decide he can deal with my desire for a lovely scented house and, in regards to me not cooking desi food, he can learn to love flax seed and beets because well...U2's "With or Without You" starting playing as I was thinking this and I don't think it is a coincidence. The fact that Aamir didn't know who sung the song and the fact that I now allow my kids to say khhhhhhhhema means he can handle me reminding myself of what I love and figuring out who I am after losing a child. For many years, I didn't burn scented candles because Aamir didn't like them and I didn't really cook because Aamir stupidly made a comment in the beginning about me not living up to his mother's cooking (should I let it go, yes...but I am female). Yes, I realize we both lost a child and Aamir is an incredible father and husband but let's be real...Aamir can't tell you what it felt like to have Zakaria kick the inside of you while Hadi just chilled. That being said, Aamir also can't explain what it is like to be a stepmother. How I went from not knowing if Leena and I would bond to that beautiful young woman knowing exactly when to not say anything but just give me an incredible hug. I, on the other hand, have no idea what it is like to lose a father at the age of 10, what it is like to go through a divorce or how it can feel acceptable to bite into ice cream rather than licking it...but, hey, marriage is quite the learning process.
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